Yesterday, during my time with God, He showed Himself to me in a remarkable personal way by revealing that He loves me unconditionally and unreservedly. Honestly, I couldn't believe His love was that deep because I hadn't been able to see Him in the tough times -- when my brother died, when our church split, during my grandmother's illness, or even at home in the fights. If He was so loving, where was He in the hard times? If He was so faithful, where was He when I needed him the most? If He was so real, why couldn't I feel Him when it really mattered? Where was he then?
A cold brisk wind caught me off guard, as the door swung open for us to begin the trek back home to the Dallas Ministry Center (DMC). The Opening Bell was amazing and our time there had been full of laughter and smiles as we swapped memorable stories and jokes over coffee. As I glance back for one more picture of my new found friend the coffee shop, I can't help but notice that Kristin, the youngest in our group, is lingering behind at the very back of our pack. She looks so worn out and physically spent, I don't think she can take another step, let alone make the one mile journey all the way back to the DMC. Maybe I could help carry her or something. I know! A piggy-back ride!
As I'm treading to the DMC with Kristin mounted on my back, I begin to wonder how long I can actually survive carrying Kristin home. Can I possibly make it all the way? What is it Lord? Say it again. The way I am carrying Kristin right now is how you carried me during the bad times?
Suddenly, tears came streaming down my face, as Kristin gently laid her head on my shoulder as if to say, "I can't fight it anymore. I give up. Carry me home." At that moment, the unbelievable and inconceivable love that He had been so desperately trying to show me was finally real. I couldn't make it. I couldn't walk. I couldn't continue, yet He carried me home. I couldn't see Him or His love because I was fighting so hard. When I finally said, "I can't ... carry me," only then could see Him and only then could I know His love was real.